Connections

Yesterday I sat in on the annual candlelight memorial for those lost on Alaskan Flight 261 in 2000. Since the pandemic, the ceremony has been held via zoom, but it is no less impactful. A candle is lit for each of the 88 souls who died that day, while their names are said aloud. At the end of the reciting of passengers, folks attending may say the name of their lost loved one. I always say Hannah’s name. And I cry every time. The candlelighting is a somber and rich offering to those who were lost, as well as to those who were left behind. It is deeply moving to hear the echo of the names said aloud. The organizer of the ceremony, Claire, says, “as you light this candle shared all over the world with people who are grieving, I hope you know you are not alone.”

We are not alone.

Today is my friend, Mary Jane’s, birthday. MJ also lost her daughter, Jenny, to brain cancer. Jenny was MJ’s only child, and sadly, her daughter’s diagnosis of DIPG was a death sentence from the outset. Hannah at least had a fighting chance with her cancer, but in the end, both girls’ lives were cut far too short. Jenny and Hannah shared something else: the same birthday, August 1st. Today, on MJ’s special day, is the girls’ half-birthday. Mary Jane and I are forever connected as bereaved moms, while our daughters are bonded as birthday twins with the same tragic ending.

Mary Jane and I are not alone.

I believe magical connections between people are the soul bonds that make life meaningful. Mary Jane and I wish we’d never had to meet. But thank goodness we did. Thank goodness I’m connected to my other friends who have lost children, without whom I wouldn’t know how to step forward in my life without Hannah. These women are some of my deepest friendships, as we’ve survived the most profound loss and found ways to keep going. We’ve supported each other in finding new purpose, new work, and new creations.

My bereaved friends and I are not alone.

One of those friends, Robin, has helped to provide me with meaningful work. She invited me to become a caregiver in IVC’s compassionate companion’s program which offers one-on-one support to grieving individuals. After doing that work for years, Robin asked me to help facilitate the grief groups that she does with a retired psychiatrist, Ted, who has specialized in this work for decades. I recently discovered my special connection with Ted.

Back in the 1970’s, Ted’s wife was working with another woman, Dorothy, to establish a Montessori school on the island. Tragically, Ted’s wife committed suicide before that school was underway. But Dorothy completed their mission, creating Montessori Country School. I wouldn’t have known of a connection with Ted were it not for our longtime family friends, Carolyn and Tom, who put two and two together. Dorothy was Carolyn’s mom. All three of our kids attended MCS, during their preschool years. I credit that school with helping to teach our children to be avid learners and thoughtful, caring humans. Two of our closest friends have a link to Ted with whom I am now working to support people who have lost a loved one.

We are not alone.

I enjoy finding and making connections of all kinds. On a lighter note, I’ve recently enjoyed meeting with friends with related dogs. I wrote earlier about how our puppy, Beans, came to be, thanks to Robin’s referral. Beans is thriving and growing, along with her siblings, Bumble and George, the pups of friends Barb and Stefanie. Beans is also a distant sibling of Robin’s dog, Gus. At Thanksgiving, Beans’s mom gave birth to an “accidental” litter of eight puppies. Eager to help find new families for these puppies, I began reaching out to friends whom I thought might be interested in bringing home a lab puppy. As it turned out, the son and daughter-in-law of my friend “Isabel” just brought home a yellow female this week from that litter! (Isabel was the friend in my book who saw Hannah at the Seattle University Law Library.) The daughter-in-law also happens to be a good friend of Robin’s daughter! I can’t wait to have a multi-generational dog reunion of these labs in Robin’s backyard! Connections abound that I couldn’t have scripted myself!

We are not alone.

In other happy news, we are the proud grandparents of a new granddaughter! Alexis delivered her baby girl, Genevieve, two weeks ago. Genevieve was also the name of my friend Stefanie’s best friend in high school. Sadly, Stefanie’s Gen died of leukemia when she was twenty years old. Recently, Gen’s dad passed away rather suddenly. Bill had been meeting with this dad, Bruce, for monthly lunches, both finding connection and support over the loss of their daughters. The first thing many of us thought after Bruce died was that Gen and her dad were now together; a parent and child reunion that many of us long for. It somehow seems fitting that a new Genevieve has appeared on this earth just as an old one reunites with her father on the other side of the veil.

They are not alone.

I love to connect people with people. Matchmaking, filling a need, finding a person to complete a team, a mission, a job. It’s a big part of this earth school–reaching out to others to teach, to inspire, to heal, to nurture, to soothe, to grow, to hold. We all takes turns leading and guiding each other to the right place on our path, whether or not we know it at the time. Connection with others gives my life meaning and healing and gratitude. And I believe Hannah is helping to make some of those connections.

I am not alone.

p.s. Pictured here is my mom’s best friend, Pat, holding her brand new great grandson. Pat also lost her adult son to a sudden illness several years ago. Now a bereaved mom, Pat and I share a stronger connection that neither of us would have expected.